


A Regeneration

by AudeliaMarlowe



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Out of Character, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 03:29:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11394438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AudeliaMarlowe/pseuds/AudeliaMarlowe
Summary: A rather grimdark version of how Romana I may have become Romana II. Major trigger warning for self-harm.





	A Regeneration

**Author's Note:**

> I brought this account back because I wanted to comment on other people's fics but thought I'd post this thing I wrote months ago. Please be nice, I haven't posted any fanfic anywhere in about 5 years.

She stared at the randomiser for a moment, then when it was clear the Doctor was once again lost in thought, she slipped away. On the way to her room she nearly tripped over a broken half of the tracer he’d snapped. Messy Doctor, she thought with a sigh, pushing open the white door. She threw the jagged piece on her bed, then turned to the wardrobe.

She kicked off the boots and pulled off the white dress. That didn’t work, she thought. The Doctor was too oblivious to realise she’d been choosing outfits with more and more daring necklines. Maybe he didn’t care about that, but it had been a try. Another sigh. Not knowing what to wear, she slipped on a pink robe and went back to the bed to flop on her stomach. She spread her arms and legs out like a star, nearly forgetting the tracer. Romana picked it up again to examine. Something so important for so long, and now it was trash. All their work had been for nothing. She’d been fooled, and yet she was relieved the Doctor had chosen not to return to Gallifrey.

If Romana was being truly honest with herself, she had to admit the renegade was rubbing off on her. Worse, she liked it. Clever, noble Romanadvoratrelundar of Heartshaven. Intelligence was loomed into her blood, and here she was prancing about like a glamour model with a man hundreds of years her senior. She shook her brunette curls and sighed a third time.

“What are the curlers for, Romana?” he’d said. She’d thought he’d given her an approving eye, but perhaps that too was just wishful thinking. Once she thought he would kiss her, as they sat on the TARDIS floor repairing K9 yet again. He’d brought over a bottle of some awful Earth drink, and she’d gotten a chance to really see what he looked like when he was relaxed. She had leaned in closer, but he pulled away. “Don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong,” he’d said sourly, and she walked away without saying a word.

Romana had never thought about being beautiful. She supposed she looked nice enough, but she never went out of her way to attract any kind of romantic partner during her time in the Academy. She just hadn’t seen any point in it; the frantic grinding of naked bodies seemed embarrassing and it wasn’t as if any of them could actually reproduce without getting the Houses involved. One time, Romana asked a Cousin about sex, after finding two boys from her year enjoying themselves in the library. “Silly little Ro,” laughed the Cousin. “It’s just for fun.” Romana had different ways of having fun, especially in the library (of all places!) Physics was fun. Sex was mystifying.

Even more mystifying was the fact that now, after everything, now she wanted it. She wanted to touch the Doctor, feel the sweat on his skin and the beating of his hearts. She desperately wanted him to kiss her, to feel as if they were the only ones left in all the universes. Romana knew this was ridiculous. She didn’t care. Was this what it was like all the time for everyone else? How did they manage to get anything done?

Snapping out of her daydream, Romana saw the light glint off the fragmented tracer in her hands. It would, at least, be a good souvenir. She stood up to place it on a shelf and started to walk back to the console room, intending to tell the Doctor that they should set the course for Gallifrey after all. At the door, she turned to look at herself again in the mirror and realised just how disheveled she looked. Stepping closer to the mirror, she suddenly noticed that she’d been crying. Oh. This wouldn’t do. Get it together, she told herself. Her makeup smeared and her hair tangled, she looked like a time tot playing dress up.

Something had to change, she knew. She didn’t really want to go home, but there had to be a change. Something to show the Doctor that she was more than data and books, a real person with two hearts pumping real blood. Blood. Romana’s mind drifted to thoughts of a girl she knew decades ago, an acquaintance from the Academy. She’d been lovesick for a boy and jumped off a tower of the Citadel. For a human, it would have been suicide. For a Time Lady, it was a different statement entirely. A trigger for a regeneration at only 55 years of age. Romana could remember the crackle of the energy in the air and the mixed smell of blood and lindo hormones. The girl had turned out gorgeous, a massive “fuck you” to the boy who’d slighted her, and almost immediately began dating an older girl from the Cerulean chapter. She avoided punishment for the mess by claiming she’d fallen.

The thing about being in a female body was that you could choose what you wanted to look like at your regenerations. You could even choose to go male, but then of course hitting on a female body again later would be luck of the draw. Also, regenerations weren’t completely fixed for nearly a whole day, until the lindos calmed down. Ladies could fine-tune their nose or hair color, go taller or shorter, and more practically, heal from any injuries sustained in the first few hours. This was especially handy as the regeneration energy was also something of an aphrodisiac and things could get rather wild.

Romana wiped her nose on her sleeve and then... She didn’t give herself a chance to think twice. She was done with thinking. She was done with this body.  
She lunged towards the shelf and grabbed the broken tracer, gouging the jagged end deep into her left arm. For an instant, there was pain, then a warm feeling. She saw the blood and smiled. She dug deeper into the vein, then the other arm. Nearly there. A ringing in her ears, or perhaps a distant bell. Romana laughed.  
In the console room, the Doctor was focused on turning the various dials and switches of his TARDIS, checking and rechecking the systems for no particular reason. His concentration broke when he heard the cloister bell chime. No, it couldn’t be. Nothing was wrong with the TARDIS. He was safe, the randomiser ensuring that no sinister Guardian could be on their trail. Had he imagined it? Walking to the other side of the console to make yet another check, he heard Romana laughing in her room. See, Romana’s happy, I’m happy, everything is fine… what’s the matter, old girl, the Doctor thought. He turned to ask K9 before realising the robot dog was once again out of order.

That’s when he felt it. The telepathic centers in his mind buzzed, and his sinuses ached with the smell of iron and something sweet. Three times he had felt this energy from his own body. This was regeneration energy, no mistaking it. Romana was in trouble. He rushed to her door, then stopped himself. If she was already in the middle of regeneration, there was nothing he could do, and he would only embarrass them both by trying to help. He leaned against the console and waited, anxious.

It had begun. Romana found herself lying on the hard floor, its white tile stained bright orange-red with a pool of her own blood. She felt warmer still. Her last thought before the blinding light was that this was completely out of character. Should she blame the Black Guardian? Too late for regrets now. An orgasmic rush of energy filled her entire being as every atom shifted. Romana looked and felt like she was on fire. She crawled across the floor towards the mirror, smearing blood across the room.

Blonde hair, she thought. Long, blonde hair. Suddenly she thought of Princess Astra, her face seemingly made to pout but equally charming with a toothy smile. A small nose, thin eyebrows, high forehead, pale skin, pink lips… Romana pulled herself back to her feet. Smaller feet. Slightly shorter than she had been before. Yes. Astra. The lights all around her body faded but her skin still tingled. Romana stared at the face in the mirror, the face that was now hers. Time to show the Doctor.


End file.
